Without search, the Internet would be completely useless. With search, it’s only mostly completely useless. Future anthropologists will say things like, “You can tell a lot from a culture by how it used search engines" (only they’ll be saying it some German-Chinese-Icelandic hybrid language, most likely). However they say it, one thing they’re sure to find curious is the fact that Google search results don’t even have a second page.
Did you know you can see who’s been viewing your profile on Facebook? It’s true! You just have to be a huge jackass and click this suspicious link. Tell your “friends"!
We’ve all heard of The Cloud, and we all know exactly what it is. Well, we have an idea what it is. We definitely know someone who has used it. Yeah, I mean, yeah. We know. It’s the hot new thing in computing that allows you to complete all your tasks from anywhere, or ensures your tasks stay right where you need them, or makes sure your tasks stay alphabetized. It goes where you go, or is already there when you arrive, somehow. The point is, it’s mobile. Or it’s mobile compatible. It has something to do with spreadsheets, it seems like. But it makes everything faster. Or smaller. Yeah, it’s small too. It’s so small you have to set a rock on it or it will blow away in the wind. The Cloud!
Twitter is for those of us who love the sound of our own voices but don’t feel comfortable admitting that. It also gives us the false sense that someone cares, which is one of the most popular false senses. Chances are, if you don’t have a Twitter account you’re not yet born.
In the 16th century, Nostradamus predicted the Internet would be invented, according to an article I read somewhere on the Internet.
In the movie The Net, starring Sandra "Digital Diva" Bullock, the main character works entirely from home and basically never needs to leave her house. She even orders pizza delivery on her computer. In 1995, many of us were heard to utter, “Yeah right!" Or whatever the mid-’90s equivalent of that was. “No way, bogus!" Or maybe, “Verily thy plot is nonce dearly!" Something like that. But now look. Not only can you order a pizza online, you can also order the direct-to-video sequel to <i>The Net.
Some worry that the Internet is going to make all human interaction obsolete, which is maybe the best potential thing about the Internet. But many take a more moderate stance, arguing that there will always be live commerce for our most important societal functions. A great example is online banking, which has all but eliminated the need for you to enter a brick-and-mortar financial institution for everyday tasks, yet you still go down to a local branch for the bigger, more important tasks, like armed robbery.
Porn and Dating
No discussion of the Internet would be complete without bringing up porn and online dating. Typically you’d bring them up separately, but you’re not so lazy as I am. The main point about these things is that as a user you need to be sure you know the difference between the two, according to my therapist.