Christmas is featured in a disproportionate number of the childhood memories I've managed to retain. These days, the early arrival of the holiday season is a popular topic for hilarious jokes and pointless complaints, but in my memory Christmastime was about three-quarters of the year in the 1980s. That can't be right, but I get why it seems that way. The holiday classic A Christmas Story opens with the narrator explaining that the entire kid year revolves around that time in December. Mostly because of presents. But as you grow, the holidays become about something more, and that something is booze. Well, booze combined with all the other magical traditions of the season, of course. Specifically, in my thirties, Christmas is all about the tree, the decorations, the music, the perfect gift for my partner, the food, and -- more than ever -- the movies.
This year I'll probably watch Christmas Vacation and Elf 10 times between the two of them, without diminishing interest during the subsequent viewings. TBS runs A Christmas Story for 24 hours straight beginning on Christmas Eve, and I'll definitely watch bits and pieces of that, even though I own a special edition DVD (which I'll also watch at least a couple times before Dec. 26). The best version of A Christmas Carol is the Muppets version, though Scrooged has Bill Murray, so, you know. In A Charlie Brown Christmas, we learn the true meaning of the holiday, and I'll be damned if that 1965 cartoon doesn't make someone in this house cry every time. Doesn't matter who. Obviously, the animated-short How the Grinch Stole Christmas is superior to the Jim Carrey feature, and stop-motion rarely gets better than the Rankin/Bass Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Jingle All the Way is also a movie.
It still sounds amazing on paper. My point is, at this time of year I'll watch pretty much anything that helps deliver the feeling of Christmas that I remember from my youth. I've even lingered on Lifetime original movies occasionally over the last week or so, not because they're good but because they inevitably feature Christmas trees and people in red and green sweaters and lit-up houses. It's really that easy.
Then there's Love Actually, which seems to be a very divisive "love it or hate it" experience for most. The debate over Love Actually reminded me that I've long sought to come up with what truly defines a Christmas movie, mostly because I want to broaden my prospects and add some rewatchable movies to my December repertoire. Somehow, though it's a decade old now, I hadn't seen Love Actually until about a week ago. And that's a shame, because it finally helped me define what makes a movie a Christmas movie.
Now, before I go on, a disclaimer. I may be about to tell you that I don't think your favorite Christmas movie is actually a Christmas movie. I've chosen Love Actually and Die Hard to illustrate my point because they couldn't be more different from one another. They aren't the only two, they're just perfect representatives. You should know, though, that whether I categorize a film as a Christmas movie has nothing to do with whether I think it's a worthwhile experience. I don't consider Love Actually a Christmas movie; I think it's more fitting to categorize it as a subpar romantic comedy full of terrible people who deserve neither a beautifully decorated tree nor love any time of the year. On the other hand, Die Hard is one of the greatest action movies ever made, and all the good guys in it deserve love and twinkling trees and the merriest of Christmases. But that isn't a Christmas movie either.
Then there's Love Actually, which seems to be a very divisive "love it or hate it" experience for most. The debate over Love Actually reminded me that I've long sought to come up with what truly defines a Christmas movie, mostly because I want to broaden my prospects and add some rewatchable movies to my December repertoire. Somehow, though it's a decade old now, I hadn't seen Love Actually until about a week ago. And that's a shame, because it finally helped me define what makes a movie a Christmas movie.
Now, before I go on, a disclaimer. I may be about to tell you that I don't think your favorite Christmas movie is actually a Christmas movie. I've chosen Love Actually and Die Hard to illustrate my point because they couldn't be more different from one another. They aren't the only two, they're just perfect representatives. You should know, though, that whether I categorize a film as a Christmas movie has nothing to do with whether I think it's a worthwhile experience. I don't consider Love Actually a Christmas movie; I think it's more fitting to categorize it as a subpar romantic comedy full of terrible people who deserve neither a beautifully decorated tree nor love any time of the year. On the other hand, Die Hard is one of the greatest action movies ever made, and all the good guys in it deserve love and twinkling trees and the merriest of Christmases. But that isn't a Christmas movie either.
Stockings full of coal and death for bad guys. I guess I better quickly explain myself before you show up at my house with torches and pitchforks. Three things are important to consider: The compulsion to lump every movie set during Christmas into one group makes perfect sense for our pattern-seeking brains. Additionally, if you're a person who's inclined to roll your eyes at the most merry manifestations of the holidays, you will inevitably gravitate toward movies that don't dwell on that sort of thing. Finally, and I'm not saying this is you, there are those who showcase a misplaced pride or, dare I speculate, self-important-hipster swagger in the idea that a movie like Die Hard is their favorite Christmas movie. The latter point is almost proof enough that Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie -- if enough people think they're going against the grain with this choice, doesn't it stand to reason that it belongs in a different category than more traditional fare? And if you don't like Christmas or its traditions, that's just fine; enjoy Die Hard because it's an awesome movie, and don't worry about having a favorite Christmas movie. What, you want to be different but not that different?
Anyway, the first point, about pattern-seeking, is really where this discussion blossoms. Pajiba.com offers a list of movies set during Christmas that aren't about Christmas, as does BuzzFeed. This establishes two categories to satisfy our need for compartmentalization: Christmas Movies and Movies Set During Christmas. Title case and bold to show we really mean business. That's a great first-step distinction. But I don't know if it quite works for every movie. Case in point: Home Alone. This is a movie that is not about Christmas, yet belongs in the Christmas Movie category. But why?
Anyway, the first point, about pattern-seeking, is really where this discussion blossoms. Pajiba.com offers a list of movies set during Christmas that aren't about Christmas, as does BuzzFeed. This establishes two categories to satisfy our need for compartmentalization: Christmas Movies and Movies Set During Christmas. Title case and bold to show we really mean business. That's a great first-step distinction. But I don't know if it quite works for every movie. Case in point: Home Alone. This is a movie that is not about Christmas, yet belongs in the Christmas Movie category. But why?
Christmas allows for pivotal scenes. Home Alone's emotional resonance (yeah, I said those words in that order) is rooted in a boy being left at home by himself (he thinks forever) during the holidays. It awakens feelings you can (should?) have only as a child -- a sense of excitement and a bit of dread at being on your own, and Christmas plays a part in heightening that. Indeed, the emotions a movie imparts are really the most important definer of its Christmas status. Whereas A Christmas Story fills me with nostalgia and warmth, Die Hard makes me want to high-five a rogue cop and fight some terrorists. Both legitimate and important feelings, I should add.
In true Christmas Movies, Christmas isn't just the setting, Christmas is a character, affecting the plot in important, unique ways. The plots of Die Hard and Love Actually don't require Christmas to happen, and neither does Home Alone. But Home Alone becomes fundamentally different without Christmas. Die Hard could just as easily be set on any old day and would still be just as awesome. Love Actually almost plays like Christmas was added in post. (A cynic might argue that it hides behind its status as a Christmas Movie so that fewer viewers take a hard look at how good it actually is. See what I did?)
Another thing: Who gets the urge to pop in Christmas Vacation on, say, a balmy summer evening after a pool-party barbecue in August? Crazy people, because that movie is specifically potent and watchable only as Christmas approaches. Die Hard (and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Lethal Weapon, Edward Scissorhands, Gremlins, etc.), on the other hand? Timeless.
So we come to my realization, which popped in my head during Love Actually. When determining the difference between Christmas Movies and Movies Set During Christmas ... well, Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said it best: "I know it when I see it." He, of course, was talking about hardcore pornography, but it's actually an apt comparison in many ways. Just because a movie features nudity and sex, even explicit sex, that doesn't make it pornography. Likewise, just because a movie features holiday cheer and Christmas, even explicit Christmas, that doesn't make it a Christmas Movie. To me.
The "I know it when I see it" explanation might sound like a cop out, but look at it like this: Christmas movies are in the eye of the beholder. OK, it's definitely a cop out. It's just that, what I learned from Love Actually (besides how terrible love apparently is) is that a Christmas Movie needs to make me feel a certain indescribable way during the holidays, plain and simple. There's no predefining it. And because the feelings I feel while watching are the best gauge, I have to allow that you and everyone else will know it when you see it too. So, if Die Hard makes you feel the holidays more intensely, I suppose that's a Christmas Movie to you. And if Love Actually is your favorite Christmas Movie, well, you're still wrong, sorry.
In true Christmas Movies, Christmas isn't just the setting, Christmas is a character, affecting the plot in important, unique ways. The plots of Die Hard and Love Actually don't require Christmas to happen, and neither does Home Alone. But Home Alone becomes fundamentally different without Christmas. Die Hard could just as easily be set on any old day and would still be just as awesome. Love Actually almost plays like Christmas was added in post. (A cynic might argue that it hides behind its status as a Christmas Movie so that fewer viewers take a hard look at how good it actually is. See what I did?)
Another thing: Who gets the urge to pop in Christmas Vacation on, say, a balmy summer evening after a pool-party barbecue in August? Crazy people, because that movie is specifically potent and watchable only as Christmas approaches. Die Hard (and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Lethal Weapon, Edward Scissorhands, Gremlins, etc.), on the other hand? Timeless.
So we come to my realization, which popped in my head during Love Actually. When determining the difference between Christmas Movies and Movies Set During Christmas ... well, Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said it best: "I know it when I see it." He, of course, was talking about hardcore pornography, but it's actually an apt comparison in many ways. Just because a movie features nudity and sex, even explicit sex, that doesn't make it pornography. Likewise, just because a movie features holiday cheer and Christmas, even explicit Christmas, that doesn't make it a Christmas Movie. To me.
The "I know it when I see it" explanation might sound like a cop out, but look at it like this: Christmas movies are in the eye of the beholder. OK, it's definitely a cop out. It's just that, what I learned from Love Actually (besides how terrible love apparently is) is that a Christmas Movie needs to make me feel a certain indescribable way during the holidays, plain and simple. There's no predefining it. And because the feelings I feel while watching are the best gauge, I have to allow that you and everyone else will know it when you see it too. So, if Die Hard makes you feel the holidays more intensely, I suppose that's a Christmas Movie to you. And if Love Actually is your favorite Christmas Movie, well, you're still wrong, sorry.
In a real Christmas Movie, "Merry Christmas" never translates to "You should cheat on your husband with me."
So I ended up realizing that I've been chasing an argument that doesn't need to be made. There's a certain comfort in that, a comfort that I owe to Love Actually. It's not useless after all. That's it. If this post were perfect, it would end with a heartwarming message about family or charity or cheer. It kind of does? But, just to be thorough, in the true spirit of the season and in the name of peace on Earth, I leave you with this: 5 Reasons Die Hard Is the Best Christmas Movie Ever Made. There's no finer example of a counterpoint that manages to also justify my central thesis.
Now go curl up and watch whatever movie makes you happiest, fill your glass with whatever liquid enhances that experience most, and have a happy Christmas.
Now go curl up and watch whatever movie makes you happiest, fill your glass with whatever liquid enhances that experience most, and have a happy Christmas.
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